As a busy mum, it's not always easy to make that time for you. In fact, sometimes it's like a military operation trying to get any time for yourself, never mind time to work on your health goals.
One of the biggest challenges that ladies have when they first come to us is that amongst the madness of being a busy woking mum, running a household and being a wife or partner, they believe they haven't got the TIME, ENERGY OR MENTAL SPACE for themselves. Fitting in their own exercise is just another chore to add to the everlasting list. It's a juggling act!!
Let me tell you, I totally get it. Since becoming a mummy to my gorgeous boy Max, I can relate more than ever to the plate spinning. I love being a mum more than anything in the world but I get that it's just not that simple to do what you want to when you want to when you have a little human who is totally dependent on you.
The last year has been a huge learning curve, not only about motherhood but it has taught me so much about myself and totally reinforced the whole Heatone ethos about the importance of making time for YOU.
I've learnt that I NEED to make that time for me to get my exercise in and eat well. For me, it's way more than just the physical benefits. The mental benefits are my biggest driver. It keeps me happy and balanced. This in turn makes me a better mummy to my boy and a happier wife, daughter, friend and leader.
Yes, sometimes I have to make sacrifices in other areas to fit it in but by being happier and more balanced, it makes me better in these other areas.
Exercise and a healthy lifestyle have been part of me for so long. It's a huge part of my identity. For a while, I felt I lost this part of me because all of my energy was on looking after my boy and running my business. Now I realise that just because I'm a mum, it doesn't mean I can't still have that part of my identity. It may just take a bit more juggling to fit it all in. That juggle is so worth it though.
So if you're not feeling like you right now but feel like you just don't have time for you, I would love to invite you to just press pause and think about YOU and what will make you the happiest version of you.
Would feeling fitter and healthier make you feel like you again?
If you need some help with getting back to you but don't have much time, get in touch and we can show you the way in as little as 3 hours per week.
We're all real, down to earth women who totally get how it is juggling life!
A Really honest & vulnerable sharing about how i've lost my CONFIDENCE this year and how i'm working on getting stronger
I hope you’re well and are enjoying the madness of the Christmas period.
If you’ve completely lost your mojo with your exercise and nutrition, you’re not alone. Loads of people experience this at this time of year so please don’t beat yourself up. It will return when it’s ready :-))
So today’s message to you is really to just be totally honest with you. I want to share my story with you of losing my confidence this year. In it, I will share how a series events led me to hitting breaking point recently and how I am working on getting stronger again.
I’ve been putting this email off thinking ‘They don’t need to know.Nobody will be interested anyway’ but I’ve reached a point where I feel that honesty is the only way. Plus, I know that my sharing my own struggle always helps somebody in some way.
If nobody ever took their mask off, it would be a very lonely world.
It’s also good to reflect on your year.
So here goes….it might be a long one. Grab a cuppa ;)
You may have noticed I haven’t been around much this year in the physical sense. Yes I’ve been active on FB but I haven’t been present a lot at classes. Some of you I haven’t even met yet. This makes me absolutely curl my toes as I HATE not knowing my members. Even though it’s the job of my instructors to look after our members, I still like to meet you all, even thought theres a lot of you.
However, the last 18 months have seen a lot of life changes for me personally.
It started when I found out I was pregnant last July. This was AMAZING news for Jamie and I and we were beyond over the moon. However, the week after I found out, I was struck with hyperemisis….severe sickness. I had no choice but to step back from all the things I loved….teaching Glow Fit, being present at our different Bootcamp locations, sharing blogs/posts/emails to help women realise their potential and just generally being that person who inspires people on their journey. Although it got better throughout pregnancy, I was sick every day and had to take a real step back. Looking back, I probably had a bit of depression whilst pregnant. In one sense I was beyond grateful to be pregnant but I felt I totally lost me because of the sickness.
I soon realised that I would have to relish some control of running my business (my baby) when my actual baby arrived. I signed off work on Friday 27th Jan to give myself a month to ensure everything would run smoothly without me. However, my little Max arrived the following morning by emergency c-section….4 weeks and 2 days early. No rest for the wicked, hey?!! Although this was amazing, I probably didn’t realise the effect it had on me mentally as I didn’t have that switch off time to hand everything over fully or the mental time to prepare for his arrival.
I remember being in the office when he was just 5 days old working on spreadsheets. My brain was foggy with lack of sleep and the shock of him arriving, never mind struggling to even get around after having a c-section. Then I was straight back to our weekly team meetings and after a few weeks I was back in the office at least one day per week. Then this slowly built up. Even though I wasn’t at classes, I was still in full control of the running of the business.
I just didn’t give myself that permission to take the time off. It’s really bloody hard to give up control when you’ve put your heart and soul into building something that you’re so protective over. Looking back now, this has been a huge contribution to me totally losing myself. Being a new mum (which is 100% a full-time job in itself) and trying to still be in full control of running a business this size….let’s be realistic, it was never going to last long without me crumbling at some point.
After 12 weeks, I started to get back into my own exercise having 2 personal training sessions per week and getting back to Glow Fit. Luckily, I healed really well from the c-section. I felt a bit of the old me returning and felt pretty confident that I had got this!! I was LOVING being a mum. It came to me like the most natural thing in the world. Plus I felt fantastic compared to when I was pregnant. Being able to eat again was like….heaven! Lol! I felt I had quite a good balance of work and being a mummy, even though I would have liked to have taken a bit more time off.
Then when Max was just 5 months old, I got appendicitis out of the blue and had my appendix removed. Surprisingly, I took this with a pinch of salt and was back teaching bootcamp just 10 days later. Very silly decision!
I soon realised that my mind was willing but my body wasn’t. It was only after talking to a midwife (one of our members) that I even realised that my muscles had been cut open twice in the same area so I was back to square one with my recovery and was going to be out physically for at least another 12 weeks.
It was at this point that something kind of happened in my brain. It was like everything that I had experienced just got too much…..a tough pregnancy, Max arriving early, a C-section, going straight back to work and controlling everything, having my appendix out and then being out of action again.
Me being me and trying to always be positive and grateful, I realise that I never gave myself any credit for what I had been through over the previous year. Plus the best thing that had ever happened to me came along….Max being born. So I felt i had no right to complain. I kept thinking that people go through so much worse and that I was a bad person for even admitting that actually it was quite a lot to go through.
It was around September, 2 months after my appendix surgery, that I noticed a change in myself. I was constantly crying. I felt that I was no use to anybody within my work because I couldn’t physically be there, I resented doing the jobs that running a business requires because it wasn’t the stuff I enjoyed, I completely let myself go with my nutrition and I basically stopped doing anything that was for me. I cut myself off from people.
I got depressed.
Everything that I have preached to other ladies and have practised myself for the last 6 years, I just stopped doing. I felt lost.
I started to focus on the pressure of running a business which I had previously taken in my stride. I started to think that all my members thinks I don’t care because I couldn’t be at classes and couldn’t give anything of myself to them. I worried that they would be judging me thinking I’m just interested in running a business and not what we actually do…change lives. That couldn’t be more wrong. Changing lives is in my heart and soul and it hurts me to not be out there making a difference. However, I felt no use to anybody.
I didn’t have the mental space to even consider getting some light exercise and a healthy diet for myself.
I felt that I didn’t even know who I was any more. If I wasn’t ‘posiitve, happy, active, healthy lifestyle Ellen’ then who was I?
I lost all confidence in me.
Then I felt like a huge hypocrite….how can I preach about prioritising you, eating well and exercising when I wasn’t able to do anything myself?
The negative, irrational self talk has been crazy. Some days, I would think I was losing my mind.
Then I would feel guilty because I have my gorgeous boy Max who brings so much joy into our lives.
When people say becoming a parent totally turns your life on it’s head, they’re not wrong. For me it’s brought so much fulfilment to my life but has made me really reassess what’s important to me.
I knew I had to do something about it when Jamie said to me ‘I don’t want anything for Christmas, just want my wife to be happy again.’ It was said in a loving way but that really hit home that I HAD to change.
Having previously suffered OCD and depression through my teens and into my early twenties, I have been really reluctant to go down the anti-depressant route. I’ve been trying homeopathy, a more herbal remedy.
Over the last 2 months I’ve been doing some real soul searching and work on my mind. I’ve invested in a life coach to help me work on who I am again, what I want and learn to love me again.
In the last few weeks, clarity has suddenly arrived.
I’ve realised that I’ve ended up like this because I forgot to look after myself first.
As women, it’s built in to us to look after everything and everybody else first. We do it why even realising. We consider other’s needs before we make a decision on what will serve us.
I find myself agreeing to things sometimes without even thinking if I know it will help somebody else. It’s like word vomit spilling out of my mouth. Lol!!
Being a mum now, I ALWAYS consider Max’s needs first and I doubt that will ever change. I don’t want it to change.
However, I have learnt that I need certain ingredients in each week to make my happy ‘recipe.’
For me these include:
Quality time with Max and Jamie
Being in the outdoors
Connection to others
Music and dance
A healthy diet
Enough sleep- this can be a challenging one at the minute ;)
If I don’t get these, I know that I’m not going to lose the connection to myself and I won’t have enough to give to others.
I’ve also been working on realising that I’m enough just as a mummy right now. I don’t have to be more. When I’m ready to give to others I will but in the meantime, I need to stop putting the pressure on myself.
If you stop and think, what areas are you putting pressure on yourself at the minute that aren’t really serving you?
I’m a real believer in the universe working and I think this experience has been sent to me 1. to help me truly appreciate what I’ve got and 2. To help be able to help others on a deeper level in the future. In fact, it’s prompted me to complete my Life Coaching certification next year. By February, I will be fully qualified Life Coach. I’m unsure exactly how I will use this yet but I know that even doing the course is going to help me personally in so many ways. It’s all part of the healing process.
In today’s society, so many people try to portray that everything is amazing, especially with their social media lives, when in fact so many of us are paddling so fast under the water trying to keep our heads above water.
I really want to help women to realise that it’s ok not to be ok. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure if you admit to struggling. It’s probably just that you’ve lost connection with yourself and have stopped doing your ‘recipe’ that makes you happy or the circumstances around you are having an impact on the way you think.
We must practise kindness to ourselves.
A huge thank you for reading this. You wouldn’t believe that it’s taken me about 3 weeks to actually write this and send it out. The intention of this email was for two things really:
Have a wonderful Christmas and PLEASE do not stress about kicking back and relaxing with your family and indulging in a few mince pies and some Baileys. If you can’t do it at Christmas when can you do it? Just relax and be present with your loved ones. Yes, that means keeping off your phones sometimes….honestly it’s fantastic when you give yourself the permission to!!
Lots of love,
Last week I was a little slow on my emails.
I had a week where I was just so busy doing other things and to be honest I didn't get round to it.
When I send out my emails I want to ensure I have something positive, meaningful and helpful to say...
Otherwise what's the point?
I don't agree in just emailing for emailing sake.
So today I wanted to talk about kicking back, relaxing and having some down time.
As women, we are always expected to be on the go.
Keeping a nice house.
Looking after others.
And I agree these things are important.
But sometimes it can feel we are spinning a million plates trying to keep everything going.
Have you ever had that feeling?
I certainly have felt the pressure in the last few weeks.
January is always a busy time for us.
Whilst everybody is relaxing over christmas, that's the time where I am in my office from morning to night most days.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it all.
However, We all need to relax.
Kick back and have some down time.
January has been a very busy time for us but it has also been a time where I have made a conscious effort to do things for me.
I went on a little spa break the other week,
Last weekend was Alton towers Fit Jam with the Bootcampers.
This weekend I was in Sheffield for a night out with my uni friends.
And I completely kicked back, relaxed, had fun and danced all night.
And I loved it.
Time away with friends,
Just kicking back living life.
Not worrying about little things.
Its easy to get caught up and think you haven't got the time.
There's always other things that need doing.
So many of us can forget that its also about enjoying life and enjoying the journey.
The point I want to make is this,
Down time is productive time.
Creating space where you switch your mind off is so important.
When we're busy, we often ADD MORE to our lives without realising.
When in fact, we need to create more space.
Having regular down time will probably be one of the most productive things you do.
Do something you enjoy with those people you love spending your time with.
Kick back, have fun and re-charge the batteries.
Have a wonderful week.
It's arrived....the week of the Big Man dropping down our chimneys! Are you all set?
At this time of year, I always take time to reflect on the year and think about the New Year coming.
So...I would like to share my reflection of 2015 with you and what I've learned:
1. You can achieve anything you put your mind to
At the start if this year, I created a hit programme known as Glow Fit which has become well recognised and is on it's way to becoming endorsed as an Instructor Training course. How did I do it? I used my skill set and put it into something I love. I've also continued to power my energy into helping people to transform their mind, body and lifestyle through our Bootcamp programme- growing the team, helping more people. Following the heart always leads you to the right path and believing in yourself will help you to get there.
2. People, love and connection are what make the world go round
I was lucky enough to marry the man I love in July this year. I was surrounded by people I love and care for. It was the best day of my life and I hold so many amazing memories from it. Always surround yourself with those who you love not because you need them but because they enhance your life.
3. It's ok to invest in YOU
You may or may not know this (lol) but I spent 3 weeks in Thailand, 10 days of which were spent on a Guru course which involved getting to know me, who I am, what my values are, what my gift is. It wasn't cheap, easy or quick but I'm a true believer that in order to value you something there needs to be a decent investment of time, money, energy and emotion. I would always question if it was ok to spend that on myself but it was very much a life changing experience. I'm so excited to bring what I've learned to others.
4. Experiences are far more valuable than possessions
On of my big goals is to see the world. This year I've been to Morocco, LA, New York, Hawaii, San Fransico and Thailand. It made me realise I want more of THIS. Big houses and flash cars are nice but I would rather be able to see cool places. I'm even tailoring some of my work around it next year...Thailand retreat ;)
5. The way you view the world affects how you see and experience it
I didn't used to say this about myself but I guess I've always been quite positive. I AWAYS see the best in everybody and believe everybody has potential. Having this view enables me to create connections with people. Having a positive outlook helps me to achieve the things I want to achieve. However, I have had phases where I've experienced negative thoughts and I've learned that it impacts my view on everything. If I turn this around to see the positive, everything changes. It's something I have to work on every single day.
6. Look after yourself and you will sparkle
I always tell people to look after themselves and I try to practice this myself- eat well, exercise, sleep, make time for things I love. I know I feel great when I do it but at times, I don't. I'm human. I let my nutrition go, put other things first. It impacts everything when you don't look after yourself- health, mood, energy levels, skin, social life, confidence.
7. It's ok to have dreams and dream BIG
It's almost like we shouldn't want the best for ourselves, like it's arrogant. Why shouldn't we want happiness? It's a limiting belief that we don't deserve it. There's only YOU in charge of creating your dream life. YOU are the only one stopping it from happening. That's quite a scary thought and I must admit it freaks me out a little but it make sense. I like to refer to it as building your sandcastle. It's YOUR sandcastle. Just because it's a dream, it doesn't mean we have to make it our reality straight away. We just need to be constantly making steps towards it in everything we do.
8. Not everybody will want you to have your dream
Not everybody will be happy that you are able to have a dream. Not everybody likes seeing you be happy, successful, healthy or whatever it is. I've learned that that is a reflection on them NOT on you. If what you do is right for you and sits well with your values and comes from a place of goodness, nobody can question it. If you are a person who wants to be liked, it can be quite hard but remember it's YOUR life. It's YOUR sandcastle. They have their own sandcastle to build.
9. Stepping out of your comfort zone helps you to grow as a person
As an entrepreneur, I always put such pressure on myself to keep growing as a person and a business. Sometimes it means stepping out of my comfort zone. Going on a path where not many others nearby have been. This can be scary but if you don't try it, you never know. I'm finding this recently whereby I'm moving in to not just being a fitness and nutritional expert but a coach. I worry will I be good enough, what will people think, shall I stick to what I know? Everything you do is new at some point but it soon becomes the norm. I remember back to teaching my first ever fitness class. Was I nervous? Yes!! If I hadn't pushed myself out of that comfort zone, I wouldn't have helped so many women to change their lives.
10. Having fun is so important
I'm quite a thinker. Sometimes, overthinking isn 't too healthy. However, laughter and fun can change everything. I'm one of those people who laughs at naff jokes. I love to laugh and smile. I've never laughed a much as I did on my Day 10 Guru retreat in Thailand. I laugh every day at my funny husband. What's the point in taking life so seriously? Even when you feel like things are bleak, laughter can help!
11. Never stop being true to who you are
We are constantly growing and changing. I'm different to who I was 10 years ago. In fact, I'm different to who I was when I started Heatone Fitness. Fitness and exercise was always my focus but now I am also passionate about the power of the mind in helping people to achieve their goals alongside fitness and exercise. I'm still the same person. I still want to help people. In recent months, I've experienced some people who have misunderstood this or haven't related to it. However, the people who relate to the place where it comes from really relate to it. They are the ones who take my focus. It's all a journey and every day, I get more comfortable and confident with who I am. Don't allow others to drag you away from being YOU.
How has 2015 been for you?
What have the positives been?
I would love to hear your reflection.
Lots of love,
DaDid you see this post which I shared on Facebook last night?
A lady called Aimee Holland posted it and wow, it made me stop and read.
It's raw, open and honest.
Take a little read:
Dear Personal Trainer,
I know I'm fat again.
I know I should be in the gym 3/4 times a week.
I know I should be eating healthy food. I know it's all in my head.I know it's me that needs to change.
But I need you to know some stuff too.
Showing me your chiselled abs just makes me feel even more shit about myself.
Posting pictures about your super efficient meal prep when I struggle to put together one healthy meal overwhelms me.
Videos of your PB or insane training routine make me want to run for the hills.
You confuse the shit out of me with all the conflicting advice around 'nutrition' carb loading, meal timings, macros and I still haven't a clue if I should eat carbs or not.
I need you.
I need you to show me you get it.
I need you to reach out and tell me it's going to be ok.
I need you to understand that it's not easy for me.
I need you to make this really, really simple.
I need you to hold my hand one step at a time.
I need you to meet me where I'm at.
I don't care about your qualifications.
I don't care about your superior knowledge.
I don't care why your way is so much better.
I just care about me.
I want to feel amazing naked.
I want to be fit enough to keep up with him ;)
I want to shop for clothes without choosing stuff that hides my fat.
I want to live my life again without feeling like a failure every single day.
I want to turn heads and show off my amazing figure.
I want to wear a bikini.
Show up in my world and let me see that you understand.
Tell me about the clients you have helped just like me.
Give me baby steps.
Don't judge me because I'm not like you.
Give me the confidence to trust you with my life.
Tell me that you've got this, that you'll keep me on track, that you won't accept my shitty excuses for missing a session.
Teach me how to value myself like you do.
I can learn any exercise I want from YouTube.
What I need from you is accountability.
What I need from you is clarity.
What I need from you is a cheerleader.
'That 30 something mum you're chasing with your advertising'
P.S. If you really understand me and I really trust you I'll pay all the money in the word for you.
How did that make you feel?
Have you ever felt like that?
You can feel like it's only you experiencing the above.
One of the biggest fears most of our members have before they join is that nobody will get their struggles.
Everyone will be super fit.
The trainers won't understand.
That they're the only ones experiencing all these thoughts and feelings.
This is the biggest reason that I try to show the real me.
That I'm just like you.
I've been there.
I show the Ellen who has struggled with her weight in the past,
who struggles to be 'on it' all the time,
has that constant battle to stay in shape,
the emotions involved,
real life getting in the way...
I've been there.
I still go there sometimes.
I am constantly working on valuing me and what's inside, not just the outside.
Pretending to be somebody I'm not would mean I don't help the people I want and need to help.
It wouldn't help those people above....the Dear Personal Trainer people.
They would be put off.
None of us are super human.
So, why should we pretend to be?
In my eyes, having somebody who relates to your struggles is far more important.
Somebody who gets you.
Knowing somebody has your back.
Support, non-judgment and understanding.
Not just abs and fitness qualifications.
INSPIRATION OVER MOTIVATION.
Have a wonderful weekend.
It can be especially tough to eat well at this time of year, especially with the amount of chocolate floating around the office and those Terry's Chocolate Oranges in the supermarkets for £1. Lethal!!
It's the time of year when the pressure is on to get into a nice dress.
Or maybe you struggle the full year round? Find it a constant battle, starting off with good intentions then you eat one 'wrong' thing and it just spirals into a full day, week, month of eating anything and everything. This then leads to feelings of 'out of controlness' and guilt.
Let me tell you, you are definitely not abnormal with your relationship with food. You have the knowledge of how to eat well but that isn't always enough to keep us on track. I can completely relate to you with this.
As humans, we are taught to eat as a form of comfort, celebration and social events which in turn means we are conditioned to eat when we're happy, sad, upset, stressed and we do this without even thinking about it sometimes.
This can sometime lead to us struggling with our food and feeling out of control, gaining weight, not feeling sure of how to stop it.
There a few different approaches that may help with this. They all have to be continually practised day in, day out for them to become a new pattern of behaviour/thought process:
1. Think of food as fuel, not as a reward or something to be savoured- I personally am not a fan of this approach as I believe food is something we should enjoy and be thankful for. It works for some people though.
2. Write down your reasons for NOT wanting to eat rubbish. Look at them each day and read them out. I know it sounds a bit crazy but it will bring it to your conscious mind and make you more aware. Try not to just think of aesthetics. Think about your health, your moods, skin, energy levels.
3. Before buying/eating chocolate or anything else which is going to make you spiral, take a few deep breaths and think about it. Not only that, time yourself 15 minutes and think about why you're about to eat it. Is it because you really want it? Is it because you're happy, sad, stressed or are you genuinely hungry? It would be really useful if you could keep a diary of this. Every time you do eat something that you know you don't really need or you are really tempted, write down the following:
What am I doing?
How do I feel?
Why am I eating this?
When did I last eat?
What time is it?
This may give you a little pattern of when you do it and why.
Just a few ideas.
Remember though, it doesn't define who you are.
Don't let it define you.
Having a good diet and looking after yourself comes down to valuing yourself. Try to value yourself enough to care of being the best version of you.
When you feel good on the inside, this will naturally transpire to the outside.
Have a great week.
P.S. If you are interested in a 15 minute consultation slot with me to discuss where you're currently at and where you would like to be, drop me a message and we will arrange it :)
Have you ever heard this off friends, family or work colleagues?
You've started a new journey.
Maybe one where you're looking after your body, your health, your mind, YOU.
It's like you're no longer any fun.
Just because you don't want to drink.
Or because you resist the pork pies on the buffet.
Or because you choose to see the positives in situations.
"Ooh go on, you've got to live as well."
I totally agree with having a balance of being really good and indulging.
However, it's a personal choice.
Your lifestyle is your choice.
Sometimes, it's like your peers don't want you to lead a healthier lifestyle.
It's like a social pressure.
Especially at this time of year.
One of my Bootcamp members brought this to my attention last week.
She's made some great changes in her diet and her overall lifestyle in the last 11 months.
She still enjoys a treat but likes to save it for occasions where she really wants to let go.
Yet if she opts to drive and skip the wine, people like to comment.
Tell her she's changed.
She has changed......
She's choosing a healthier lifestyle.
it can sometimes feel a bit disheartening when you choose to make choices which are good for you and others perhaps don't like it.
Not only in terms of your diet and fitness.
Any aspect of your life.
Whatever it may be.
Remember though. if it is right for you and makes you happy, it shouldn't matter to others.
As humans, we naturally fear change.
That's probably what others are experiencing when you decide to make changes with your life.
It doesn't make them bad people or mean that they don't like/love you.
Some people just don't like change.
Some may be a little bit jealous too that you're doing something positive.
Just remember why you made those changes in the first place.
Something before wasn't making you happy.
Or you wanted to improve something.
It's hard to remember that when you hear negative comments.
You may question if you're doing the right thing.
This may not be the case for you.
You may have pressure from somebody else to make a change.
That change has to come from you.
Not from another person.
It all comes back to self love and valuing YOU.
You are enough as you are.
No matter where you are on your journey.
It's easy to forget that.
That's all for today folks.
I would like to thank those who have been giving me lovely feedback about the content of my recent emails.
It's great to know that they can help others.
Have a wonderful day.
P.S. Our January Bootcamps are filling up! If you would like to get it at the current price, book here...
Or if you would prefer something more mindset based or personal, get in touch and we can have a chat :-)
This week has involved a bit of overwhelm for me after getting back from Thailand.
Having had a little think about where it was coming from,
I realised it was all down to COMPARISON.
Comparing myself to my fellow guru members,
I was panicking that I hadn't taken action on my new website, new product suite, new content, blah, blah, blah.
Actively having conversations with myself though,
I discovered that it wasn't serving me to compare my progress to others.
We all work differently, at our own rate.
In fact I've been working on putting the systems
in place so I can concentrate on taking action.
So today I wanted to talk to you about doing the same.
It's human nature to compare ourselves to others.
Whatever comparison that may be.
You look to others and see that:
Everybody has a struggle in some form or other,
And most people are comparing one aspect of themselves or their lives to somebody else.
Comparison does us no favours at all.
In fact, it stops us embracing who we are and appreciating our own amazingness.
Comparison leads humans into threat mode.
Which leads us to lots of negative emotions.
Essentially, it is like stabbing yourself inside.
Nobody else is doing the comparison.
Remember we are all on our own journey.
We are all unique
Our pathway is different to the person's next to us
So try not to compare their road to yours.
Embrace the path that you're on and make it the best path for YOU.
Lots of love,
P.S. Today is the final chance to join our Bootcamp programme at the current price plan before our prices increase. It's our final intake of the year.....
My poor husband kept getting ask my our fitness crew, by family, by friends....
"So what's Ellen actually doing in Thailand?"
Bless him, he didn't really know what to say.
He wasn't really sure.
His answer was that she's going to get to know herself a bit better so she can be the best at her business.
He was kind of right but I thought I'd share the full story with you.
You may have seen my Facebook posts.
You may have seen a switch in the way I appear.
It was literally a life changing journey for me.
To be honest, before I went I wasn't really sure why I was going or what I was going for. I just knew something had to change within me.
On the outside I guess I always appeared super happy and positive. On the inside, I felt like I was losing a little bit of myself every week.
The bigger my business grew, the more I kind of got lost. Feeling like I should present myself a certain way, worrying about pleasing people, feeling that working 15 hours each day is what all business owners have to do in order to be the best and be there for everybody.
I no longer felt that I was having the connection with people that I once did.
I got into a rat race and I didn't really know how to get out. I knew that I had a gift that I had to share with p[eople but I felt it was trapped inside of me.
So.....I took the plunge and paid £5000 to spend 10 days with Dax and 9 other business owners.
It turned out that they were all pretty much feeling the same.
In his advertising, Dax never once said what was involved. He never made any promises. I had never even had a conversation with the guy- just saw him speak at a mastermind event a few years ago.
I just knew he was special. I immediately trusted him and wanted some of his wisdom.
So I decided if I was going all that way, I might as well have a little holiday first. The week before was lovely but I felt really unsettled. I knew change was about to come. I couldn't fully relax. I ate and drank loads with fear and worry- a bit of self sabotage.
The first day I arrived, everybody seemed friendly but it was intense. I arrived at the most luxurious villa in the millionaire's area of Phuket. My first thought was 'oh no, everybody is so slim. What will they think of me?' Crazy!
It got to the introductions and I was a wreck. Everyone was so confident and I just felt so intimidated. I was like 'who am I?'
I couldn't say what I do with conviction. I knew right then and there that I needed this 10 days!!
Dax later told me that he fell a little bit in love with me at that moment for my vulnerability. Aww!
The first 7 days we didn't even touch on business. It was all 'heart' work- about getting to know who we are, what is holding us back, our fears and how we want to appear in the world.
It sounds easy but there was so much digging into things that I perhaps didn't even know existed. I couldn't believe how emotional I was- definitely the most emotional in the group. It became the running joke.
It was actually nice that they all said it was an endearing quality that I'm so transparent and there's no wall to break down.
I discovered quite a few things:
*Fear of judgement, lack of self belief and fear of failure had been holding me back
*My message to the world, particularly to women just like me, hadn't been coming across because I wasn't saying it loud and clearly due to fear of judgement, which had been leading to me feeling frustrated
*You can't expect the world to know who you are without being that person. The world is not psychic!
* My true values which I live my life by; Love, Courage, Truth
It all sounds simple but if you are living your life each day without knowing who you are, your life is not your own. You are unprotected from harm and looking to others for approval.
Discovering my values, I now try to implement these into every single decision I make. It was such a powerful exercise.
I realise that I'm in charge of me and I have to start living this life for me whilst still spreading my message.
I had created this rat race of a life myself- nobody else.
We create our own life but we sometimes feel it doesn't feel like it belongs to us. We don't live it in the way we want to live it.
Starting the day with meditation, I felt truly connected. Having this big muscly guy, covered in tattoos who can be such a joker, chanting and singing meditations was just incredible.
Throughout the whole experience, there were times of feeling amazing, being in the light, followed by times of darkness. It's indescribable really but I truly believe that experiencing the darkness helps you to get into the light.
There were times that I was well and truly out of my comfort zone. I actually don't like public speaking. I can put on my show face when teaching classes- I'm in my comfort zone but trying to get across my message to these guys in the group made me squirm, especially the part about what our magic is. Bigging myself up just doesn't come naturally.
I had also started the week dreading getting in and out of the pool. I would jump in when nobody was looking and quickly grab my towel when I got out. I never once felt that anybody was judging me but it was the way I felt about myself- disgusted. When you're not happy inside, most of us tend to stop looking after ourselves on the outside.
It was crazy that how the week went on, I suddenly stopped worrying. I had laid my soul bare are to these guys. They became my family. They knew me on the inside, they didn't care about the outside.
I started to enjoy the experience without having a care about what others were thinking about my body. I started getting up and seeing the good things about myself and enjoying the experience rather than letting a bit of a wobbly tummy ruin an incredible experience.
Naturally, my chocolate cravings left me. I realised I'm a stress eater. Feeling good on the outside meant that I wanted to look after my body. I was out of self sabotage mode.
We had a gorgeous live in chef who prepared us beautiful thai food every day. She was a beautiful lady who had a real passion for cooking. I miss her!
It was only around Day 7 that we started to think about business and how we are going to spread our message. This became the 'brain' work.
I'm actually really proud of the amazing ideas I came up with. It's just now having the balls to put them into action.
The first one being getting the Glow fit course accredited ready to start Instructor Trainings in January.
I'm also super excited to be running my own GLOW retreats in Thailand as of next year. After the absolutely life changing experience I had, I NEED to be able to offer this incredible experience to other women who are feeling the way I felt.
I will also be doing some very limited higher end one to one and smaller group packages working with myself and Nicky for 6 or 12 months. I am only going to be taking 3 clients on per year where I will work solely with these to help them find their GLOW through mindset coaching, getting to know who they are, nutrition, exercise and basically someone well and truly having their back.
I'm lucky that I have a brilliant team to run our group sessions for the wonderful tribe I already have. I plan to continue making it an incredible experience for these guys.
Before we arrived Dax has asked us all;
"what would make it a fu**ing wow experience for you?"
My shopping list was as follows:
*Go home feeling super POSITIVE
*Go home in LOVE with myself
*Have some SELF-BELIEF
*FAITH in myself
It turned out that I came home with all of them in my shopping bag, plus some life long friends made.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some untouchable super confident person now. I have suffered with overwhelm since getting home. I always fear change. However, I do feel so much more in control of myself and my life now. I'm actually excited to shape my life to exactly how I want it to be.
I've started to appreciate everything I do have. Little things like going for a walk, beautiful food, lovely scenery. I believe if we show our gratitude to the universe, it will show us the same back.
Wow, this has been an indulgent 'me' email but I just wanted to share with you guys. I've had lots of lovely messages from people asking about the experience and want to share that the answers are within us.
My biggest take-away is that I am enough as I am. Just being me is enough. My aim is to help as many women as possible to realise this and help them to learn to love themselves.
I will be posting a lot more about being enough as you are.
Love, courage & truth.
It's that time of the week again....Monday morning!!
It comes around so quickly.
A new week full of new opportunities :)
If you're on my Facebook, you may have
seen that I went to something called the
UK Ultimate Physique competition
at the weekend.
I've never seen so many tanned and
I wasn't part of it...I was a spectator.
One of my best friends entered and got
It's not a body building one but for the
ladies, it's a bikini competition.
They are judged on who looks the best
in a bikini,
judged on certain muscle groups and
how much definition they have.
Since I've got to get in a bikini at the
end of this week,
(sorry to rub it in- hehe!)
I thought it might give me a bit of motivation
to be really good.
In all honesty, I was sat in the audience
eating haribos. Whoops! Lol!
It didn't have the desired effect
that I thought it would.
Seeing these ladies, I could appreciate
how much hard work had gone into
getting into this shape.
I knew first hand from my friend how
much of a mental and physical journey
it had been and I'm extremely proud of her.
However, seeing how little body fat some
of them had made me a little uncomfortable.
Hearing the stories from my friend of how they
go into depletion mode in the last two weeks,
cutting calories and carbs right down,
how some of them dehydrate themselves for 24
hours and then drink straight gin for further
dehydration, doesn't do it for me.
Even my friend said she would never promote
that way of life herself.
She said in those last two weeks she was
under weight, she was full of spots, emotional,
teary and not mentally in a good place.
I understand that it's all part of the challenge for
the competition and I hold my hands up to them
for their commitment to the competition.
However, I couldn't do it myself or
promote to others.
On the other hand, there was a female judge sat
right in front of me.
She had the most amazing body I've ever seen-
big toned muscly thighs and bum, a little waist,
boobs and lovely toned arms.
She looked about a size 12.
I think I may have a girl crush!
Maybe I loved her because I could see her physique
being more achievable for my shape than I could the
bikini models on stage.
She had recently entered a competition in America.
I found her very inspirational, especially when at the
lunch break she was eating a sandwich and chocolate
It showed me how real she is ;)
People see a lot of these teeny, tiny bikini models on
Instagram and lots of ladies look to them for motivation
but feel they will never achieve it.
In fact, that's the reason I don't really browse on Instagram.
Instead of motivating me, it makes me feel inadequate.
Life would be boring if we were all the same
shape and size, clones of each other.
All shapes and sizes should be celebrated.
Everybody has different preferences on what they
want to achieve.
My advice is to set something realistic for your
Yes, it's great to aim high.
However, look for someone for something that
inspires you and remember why it inspires you.
Have a great Monday!!
Ellen 'girl crush' Murray
P.S. Our next Bootcamp intake starts a week today! Book your place here...
P.P.S. I'm still replying to some of the lovely replies from last week's email :)